Back-to-school season is just around the corner and while many kids are excited to reconnect with friends and dive into new adventures, others feel a wave of dread.
If your child struggles with shyness, the return to school can be a source of anxiety rather than excitement.
Shyness isn’t simply being quiet or reserved. It can show up as fear of speaking up in class, avoiding new friendships, or extreme self-consciousness in social settings.
The good news? Shyness is not a fixed trait. It’s a mindset challenge that kids can overcome with the right tools and support!
Here are some ways to help your child overcome shyness, build confidence and develop social courage before heading back to school.
1. Normalize Nervous Feelings
Start by letting your child know that it’s completely normal to feel nervous before returning to school, especially after a long break. In fact, it’s part of how our brain protects us.
Think of your child’s brain like a GPS system. When they’re heading somewhere familiar, their brain knows exactly what to expect. But when they’re entering a new classroom, meeting a new teacher, or walking into a new lunchroom, it’s like heading down a road they’ve never traveled before. The GPS says, “Hold on! Let’s slow down and pay attention. This is new!” That’s why their nervous system kicks in with feelings like butterflies, hesitation, or anxiousness.
Instead of trying to get rid of the nerves, help your child see them as signs that they’re growing. Say things like: “It’s okay to feel a little nervous. That just means your brave brain is learning something new!”
2. Avoid labels such as referring to a child as “shy”
As a society, we’ve often described children as shy, or bossy, or grumpy. But what neuroscience has shown is that the labels we use to describe ourselves and others can cause us to show up that way in life. Calling a child “shy” can cause them to see themselves as shy and therefore they will act shy.
Imagine that your child’s brain is like wet cement. The words they hear, especially the words they say about themselves, get written in that cement. And one of the most powerful ways we shape our identity is through the words “I am.”
If a child says, “I am shy,” it’s like stamping those words into the cement. Their brain starts to believe it and builds that identity. But if they say, “I’m feeling shy,” it’s just an emotion, something that will pass. Even better is saying, “I’m learning to feel more confident.”
This turns a moment of nervousness into a moment of growth. It tells the brain: “We’re becoming someone who is brave.”
Try this with your child: Instead of “You’re shy,” say, “You’re building your brave muscles!”
3. Practice “Brave” Behaviors at Home
Confidence grows with action. Set up small, low-stakes opportunities for your child to stretch outside their comfort zone. This might include:
- Saying hello to a neighbor
- Ordering their own meal at a restaurant
- Calling a family member on the phone
Celebrate effort over outcome. The goal is to help your child associate social risk with emotional safety and support – and build their confidence mindset!
4. Role-Play Common School Scenarios
Practice makes powerful and helps build that GPS in their brain. Help your child role-play common back-to-school situations like:
- Introducing themselves to a new classmate
- Asking a question in class
- Joining a group at recess
Play both roles and keep it light and playful. This not only builds confidence but also gives your child a script they can rely on when those real-life moments arise.
5. Use Visualization Techniques
Teach your child to picture themselves handling social situations successfully. This “mental rehearsal” creates new neural pathways in the brain to activate the brain in the same way as doing the real thing. This can significantly reduce anxiety.
Encourage them to close their eyes and imagine:
- Smiling and making eye contact
- Feeling calm and confident as they walk into class
- Speaking clearly and being listened to
Practicing this regularly—especially before the first day—can make a huge difference!
6. Shift Self-Talk
Shy kids often have an inner critic that says things like, “They will think I’m weird,” or “I’ll mess up.” Help your child become aware of these thoughts and teach them to replace them with supportive self-talk such as:
- “I can do this.”
- “It’s okay to feel nervous and be brave at the same time.”
- “Everyone feels unsure sometimes.”
A powerful activity is to support them in creating an empowering phrase that they can say to themselves every time they see their reflection. This will help them program their mind for positive self-talk.
Adventures in Wisdom Can Help
If you’re looking for more structured tools to support your child in overcoming shyness, Adventures in Wisdom® offers a unique approach that empowers children and tweens through the power of storytelling and mindset development.
Our certified WISDOM Coaches use fun, engaging coaching stories and activities to teach kids how to shift negative thinking, boost self-esteem, and stretch outside their comfort zones – skills that help children step into school with confidence.
Want to take it even further? Many parents fall in love with our program and choose to become certified WISDOM Coaches® themselves, bringing mindset mastery not only to their own families but to children around the world.
Whether you’re a parent looking for support or someone ready to empower kids professionally, we’re here to help you make a difference.
Ready to Help Your Child Build Confidence Before School Starts?
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Read This Story About a 6-year-old girl Anxious About Starting School:
This story demonstrates how powerful it is for a child to learn how her mind works (especially neural pathways for a child experiencing shyness and anxiety) and doing stretch activities.
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Adventure well, my friend!
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